Gratitude

Jai Bhagwan!

It is late and 04:00 comes very early which is why I do not usually write a blog entry after teaching class; however, I simply have to take the time to write tonight.  I simply want to express my gratitude to my students.  I had thought I would be teaching again on Monday before I leave for Florida and the Amrit Yoga Institute but I forgot that Monday is Labor Day and there will be no classes.  I feel it a great privilege to share Yoga with you and it is a thrill to see so many new faces joining with us each night.

I would love to say much more but sleep is creeping into my eyes.

Namasté

Also posted at Everyday Yoga.

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Unity

Jai Bhagwan!

First things first, allow me to again express my thanks to Fahim Farook and his marvelous application, Blog.  Blog is the little application I've been using since August 2001 to keep all my blog entries on all my blogs.  Today marks the end of independent entries between the blog at Yoga At Om and the blog Everyday Yoga; of course, since there have been only three entries before this at Yoga At Om saying that the two are now one isn't really saying much at all.  The long and the short of it is that if you wether prefer to follow my thoughts on Yoga on my original blog at Everyday Yoga or at the new site, you won't miss anything; if there is anything to miss that is.  Blog, the lovely app, made the switch as simple as changing two simple settings and Viola! the two are one!

After some more thought and second things being second, I'll write about my other thoughts a bit later today, really.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Unity Follow-Up

Jai Bhagwan!

OK, the RSS feed for Everyday Yoga will be somewhat out of sync with reality for a week or so.  If you don't see an entry on the EDY site that's linked in the EDY RSS feed, you can find it on the Yoga At Om site.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Shared Obstacles

Jai Bhagwan!

Yoga is, very often, a solitary journey.  This is true even when one practices in a room packed with other practitioners.  Yoga is a journey of the individual and because of that, one often feels alone while on this journey and yet nothing could be further from the truth!  Yoga is a solitary journey, that is travelled alone but it is always travelled in the company of others!  Firstly, unless one is living the life of a hermit on a lonely mountain top, one is always surrounded by other people and yet, even on the mountain top one cannot travel the path of Yoga alone.  On the mountain or on a crowded city sidewalk, there are always those who have faced the same challenges you face.  Because the journey of Yoga is a solitary one, it is easy to forget those others who have faced this very challenge which now rears up before you and dominates your horizons.

There exists a very simple solution to this fallacy that one is isolated from all others in this journey:  Sharing, share the trials and obstacles you encounter on the journey with those around you and you will soon find that another has faced the same obstacle you now see.  More important than sharing the challenges—and never forget that sharing challenges is vital—is the sharing of moments of peace, stillness or realization.  Without sharing, it is easy to believe the ego when it says, I am the only one feeling this, I must be a failure! or when it snidely remarks, Whoa!  That was a little weird, I must be crazy!  So it is that the ego mind works to tell us that we cannot succeed because the challenge is too great and it tries to push us to the fringe of society by denigrating the marvelous experiences we have.  This has nothing to do with Yoga, this is life and the lies that ego tells every one of us.  Of course, these are not all of ego's tricks but I will save those for another day.

Gurudev's favorite part of any lecture is the sharing.  He encourages those present to share what they have experienced so others in the room, who have likely expereinced the same thing, will recognize that they are not alone in their experience and that they are not crazy because others have experienced the same things.

Along the lines of sharing, one of my students has started sharing her experiences via a blog, Yoga Yammer.  Remember to share and in sharing you will hear footsteps walking with you on your solitary journey.

Namasté

Yoga Yammer

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

What Were You Expecting?

Jai Bhagwan!

A friend of mine mentioned that she didn't accomplish as much as she expected with all of her children in school now.  This started me thinking about expectations.  I expect my children to be obedient to the family rules, do their chores and keep up with their homework.  I expect that eating healthy foods and exercising will keep me in good physical health.  These are “reasonable” expectations, right?  I expect things to go as scheduled, for customer service to be courteous and other adults to act responsibly.  I've clearly left the realm of reasonable expectations but I haven't ventured into the territory of the unreasonable, right?  I expect to have no difficulties in life, win the lottery, have my peaches ripen on the 10^th of September and live to be 150 years old.  Now I have clearly left the realm of even semi-reasonable, these are all definitely unreasonable expectations.  As Melanie at Yoga Yammer said, “I can't control a peach tree.”

The reality is, however, that all of my expectations listed above are unreasonable.  Obviously, I cannot control how long I will live and so it is ludicrous to expect that I should live to be 150 years old.  Isn't it equally impossible for me to control my children's actions?  Doesn't that mean it is equally ludicrous of me to expect them to meet my expectations?  Gurudev, my teacher, says, “Expectation is frustration waiting to happen.”  We have expectations because we want to control our lives, we want to feel safe and secure knowing that we really do have some level of control over what happens around us.  As our expectations are not met, we become frustrated because we couldn't make things happen the way we wanted them to happen.  We begin to recognize that we couldn't control the situation.  The common reaction is to listen to the ego and its claims that we really can control the situation if we just try harder.  “Jon would be a good student if I were a better parent,” says the ego.  In some cases, we recognize that we really have no control over the situation and this is when most of us give up.  For some, that recognition is terrifying and the world becomes an ever more dangerous place and the only safety in the world is to remain locked away behind closed doors.  A very few, however, recognize that there is only one thing that any of us can control and that is our response to the world around us.

Here is a very simple real world example:  We have scheduled to have a new washer and dryer delivered to our home Friday.  The salesman told us to expect—expectations are EVERYWHERE!—a phone call Thursday to schedule a four hour block when the delivery people expect to arrive.  For convenience, we will assume that the call will be made on Thursday and delivery will be set between 8:00 AM and Noon.  If I expect the delivery to happen between 8:00 AM and Noon but it is delayed until 2:00 PM then I will be frustrated because my expectation was not met.  Clearly something happened that caused the delay, something I could not control but I will be frustrated simply because the delivery did no meet my expectation, it was late.  Of course, deliveries and service calls are never delayed; so, this is never a problem, right?

I know that someone reading this is yelling, “STOP!  How am I supposed to accomplish anything, amount to anything, DO anything; if I don't have any expectations?!”  The same way you always have, decide to do something and do it; however, DO NOT create any expectation about what you are doing or about what the end results will be.  If you need to wait for a delivery from 8:00 AM until Noon, then wait.  What happens at Noon if the delivery has not been made?  That is now entirely up to you!  You have done your part, you waited.  Hopefully nothing bad happened to cause the delay.  If you have time, you can choose to wait longer.  If you do not have time, you can leave or call the store or leave a note on the door or ask a neighbor to wait for you, the possibilities are endless!  Simply decide what you will do and do it; let go of the rest.  As Gurudev says, “First, make sure you are going in the right direction and then accept whatever comes,” or to quote a familiar hymn, “Do what is right; let the consequence follow.”

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Part B, Day 1

Jai Bhagwan!

I am sitting in the dining area at the Amrit Yoga Institute as I write this.  I arrived in Florida yesterday at 11:30 AM.  Waited in the airport for Ginger to arrive so we could carpool here from the airport.  While I waited, I looked up and saw three lovely faces:  Anita, Helen and Linda were walking down the stairs toward the baggage claim where Ginger would be collecting her baggage.  What a wonderful surprise to see these three lovely ladies!  Warm hugs and friendly hellos abounded.  Not long after this treat, Ginger arrived and we quickly found her luggage.  We bid our friends a fond and short farewell—we would be seeing them again that evening.  In short order, Ginger and I had our luggage stowed in the rental car and were making our way into the Ocala Forest and the Amrit Yoga Institute.

It has been a marvelous reunion so far and I have savored every moment of it.  I'm rooming with Scott and Benji again but this time we're in the west end ground floor of the main house.  I realize that it has been a whole summer since I was here last but, now that I am here, it is as if I never left.  It is, in a sense, as if I've come home.

Rather than practice in the darshan room with the others this morning, I went out to the tent and practiced there.  Movements were slow, holding was not extended but prolonged, I still feel the effects of holding each posture for such a prolonged and intense time.  It is interesting that I do not feel weakness despite continuing to fast, I feel only quiet peace and rest, full of life and joy.

On a final note, Shanna mentioned on Tuesday night that I did not seem excited about coming back here and she was right:  I was not excited.  Allow me to clarify that statement, I was not excited because it was not time to be excited.  Had I allowed myself to be, I could have been very excited and giddy about this return trip but that would have served no useful purpose.  As I left work yesterday, I immediately became excited about coming here but not so much that I could not enjoy a nice dinner with my beautiful wife after watching a movie.  Moderation, brahmacharya, allows one to feel all the emotion of the moment without having to be overwhelmed by it.  It allows one to enjoy the flavors of life rather than having one flavor rule the entire day.  The meal you eat in the morning is not the meal you eat at night, enjoy them both but forget them both while eating lunch.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

What's Cookin'?

Jai Bhagwan!

Prakash led sadhana this afternoon and, listening to his direction, I suddenly found myself thigh to chest and wrapping my hands around my heels in paschimottanasana.  This is the posture that I fear as I have injured my back twice over the last seven years pulling into it.  It is the same posture that I used to tweak my back in June simply by shifting my feet together in the middle of it.  As I nestled down against my thighs and gently grasped my heels, I felt a serenity and safety that I have never experienced in this posture.  I came forward to my usual edge and held, breathing, accepting.  My hips suddenly softened, my sternum extended further toward my feet, my back rounded slightly and I has holding my heels with no effort.  The effort to keep my low back safely engaged vanished.  The effort to keep my legs straight vanished.  All of it melted away into effortless existing as paschimottanasana.  As I came out of the pose, I could feel a deep stretching and releasing beginning in my right psoas and up into the erector spinae and quadratus lumborum—three major muscles in the low back—this is where my back was injured fifteen or so years ago.  The tension and pain in my left lower back from my Yoga injuries is long gone and now the tension and holding in the right side, which is much older, is breaking up.  I wanted to cheer as we finished the posture, the elation and welling of prana was so powerful!

Tonight Eric focused on being remarkable, being just a cook or being a chef!  Long story short, a cook creates edible food and a chef creates a marvelous feast using the same ingredients as the cook.  The chef accepts personal responsibility for the food, whereas the cook may place the responsibility for the quality of the meal on the ingredients or weather.  To be truly remarkable, however, is not to just be a chef.  It is easy to be remarkable doing something we love.  To be truly remarkable, carry that same intensity and passion, that same presence to not only the things we love to do but also to the things we hate to do.  When scrubbing the floor, scrub the floor and do nothing else.  Become so involved in scrubbing that there is nothing else in your world.  Bring that same passion and presence to everything and then, then one becomes truly remarkable.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Are You Willing?

Jai Bhagwan!

Have you ever not tried?  Have you ever given up before you even started?  Most of us have at one time or another.  Why?  Is it because we are too afraid of failing?  Yes and the great irony is that by not trying because we fear failing, we have already failed.  Think of your fears and you will find that they are all either fear of death or fear of failure.  Fear of failure is like driving with a parking break on, the difficulty is that most of us don't realize we are driving with the break on.  Others of us realize the break is on but do not know how to overcome the fear of failure.  The answer, however, is quite simple and remarkably powerful:  Be willing to fail.

I am not suggesting that we should accept mediocrity, no.  Do you level best in whatever you do and be willing to accept everything, even failure.  Be willing to fail.  It is tempting to believe that this is easier to say than it is to do.  I am beginning to suspect that this is not really the case.  Being willing to fail takes less effort and less energy than constantly worrying about failure.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Make the Old Man Shut Up!

Jai Bhagwan!

Today Gurudev took part in our morning sadhana.  Kamini would direct us into the postures and then Gurudev would direct our focus.  As the practice continued, Gurudev began talking while we were still holding the postures.  Soon, my mind began to scream, “Make the old man shut up!”  The moment this happened, it was as if a drain was opened in my body and all the energy leaked out.  At the same time, I heard a voice in my heart and it was Gurudev saying, “There is only peace.”  This repeated multiple times as we practiced and each time the shouting of my mind became weaker and weaker while Gurudev's voice became stronger and stronger.  At the end, even though my body was exhausted, the ego was silent and there was only peace.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Chicken or Egg

Jai Bhagwan!

Just a very short entry today.  Here is a thought from our lecture with Gurudev today:  “If you have an egg, then you will have a chicken.  If you have a chicken, then you will have an egg.  Egg or chicken, does it matter?”

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Mediocre?

Jai Bhagwan!

Who are you and how do you face life?  Most of us do enough to get by.  Most of us refuse to really live our lives.  Most of us are mediocre.  This morning Eric pushed us to the point of breaking, we practiced for an hour an a half using maybe five or six postures and relatively short transitions between those postures.  We were told to give 100% of all our energy in every moment of the practice, to hold on to each posture as if our very lives depended upon it.  There was yelling and stamping of feet.  There was moaning and harsh breathing.  None of us died but many of us would have liked to at times.  So it was that we saw with knife like clarity when we were mediocre and when we were remarkable.  Mediocratity is not shaking in the pose, it is blaming the teacher for making us hold so long and buying into that blame.  Being remarkable is not standing stock still after hold a pose for an eternity, it is trembling and sweating and feeling unbearable sensation and continuing to breathe and be fully present.

I will not be putting my classes through this same experience, for now, but I will pose the question:  Are you mediocre, doing enough to just get by or are you remarkable, even if you fail?

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Mirror, Mirror

Jai Bhagwan!

Well, I'm in the middle of it now and so there is precious little time to write.  Allow me to quickly share something that Gurudev said yesterday, “Your ability to live with yourself is revealed in how you live with the other.”  Enjoy.

Training is excellent.  I thought the first session was transformative, it was nothing compared to what I am experiencing now.  Until another day!

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Pleasure? Pain? Yes!

Jai Bhagwan!

Today Gurudev's darshan lecture focused on addiction and he started with a very interesting statement:  “Biological appetite for pleasure is in balance with pain.”  In other words, you become hungry—pain—and that triggers a desire to eat—pleasure.  After eating as much as your body needs, the biological pleasure of eating balances out the pain of hunger.  The mind, however, says eat more to have more pleasure.  Eating more triggers guilt at overeating or shame from being overweight.  “Psychological appetite for pleasure creates fear of pain.”  Seek, then, to keep the balance between the natural pleasures of life and the natural pains of life.   Avoid the unnatural pleasures and the unnatural pains will also fade out of your life.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Lunar issues

Jai Bhagwan!

Today's darshan was a bit different, we had a lecture with Gurudev and then he led us through a pranayam.  It was a very notable experience.  Practicie teaching is progressing remarkably, there is not one of us that has not improved dramatically since our “pre-test” on Sunday.  I just realized that today is Friday—it seems I have been here all my life and yet only a week and a day has passed since I arrived and, at the same time, the days have flown by one after the other.

Gurudev compared the light of consciousness to the sun, it is self-illuminated.  The mind, he said, is the moon and simply reflects the light of the consciousness.  As we become more and more wrapped up in the thoughts and concerns of the mind, we become more and more identified with the reflected light of the moon rather than the unreflected light of the sun.  In short, we become lunatics.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Who Knew?  I NEED a Guru!

Jai Bhagwan!

What's the point, what is the purpose of a guru?  A guru is one who leads the learner from darkness into light, from unknowing to knowing.  The one true guru is within each of us; so, why one earth would any of us need an external guru?  If you are thirsty, would you turn down a glass of water if it were offered to you?  Would you say, “I don't need the glass of water because I can just dig a well here on my land,” of course not!  The true guru is the well and we each need to be digging our wells but as we dig, we will each need water to quench our thirst.  It is our external gurus that provide us each with glasses of water as we dig.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Notes of Interest

Jai Bhagwan!

A bit of personal reflection this morning.  While in Florida, my ego quickly revealed itself in full glory during morning practice.  Gurudev was leading us through the second half of the postures and Chandrakant was leading us through extended holding of the first half of the postures.  Gurudev then began speaking during the first half as well as the second half.  Without warning my mind echoed with, “Make the old man shut up!”  I was shocked at myself, I adore this man and that sense of love for Gurudev welled up in me and held my noisy ego at bay, mostly, for the rest of the practice.  I told him about this event later that morning and he laughed saying, “Well that's good, it was your mind saying it so I forgive you!”  My ego's voice became quieter and weaker during the rest of my time in Florida.

I determined that I would continue with a daily morning practice, moving through the sequence from memory rather than using a recording.  Because I was relying on memory now, the chatter of my mind was incredibly loud.  I have found, though, that as I remain committed to my sadhana that ego is again beginning to retreat; however, now something new has appeared:  Solutions.

Yesterday at staff meeting, I purposed beginning a series of introductory classes.  One of my fellow instructors wants to participate and to also hold intro classes for her Vinyasa classes.  She offered to help make adjustments while I was teaching about Amrit Yoga and the poses used in my classes.  This did not sit perfectly with me but I needed time to figure out why and how to work with the situation.  I thought about it a little and then let go of it.  This morning as I practiced the answers slid gently into view:  I was uncomfortable because I want to be very specific in what the alignment of each posture is to be and, as my fellow instructor pointed out, the alignments in my class are slightly different than in hers.  The solution also slid into view:  Use my fellow instructor to model the postures while I make the adjustments!  I immediately began thinking about how this would work and what needed to be done next and I lost all connection with my body.

Dropping into and below strong sensation in my body as I hold a posture is becoming more and more second nature as I practice.  Stepping out of the chatter is also becoming easier.  This new development, however, seemed much more inviting, enchanting, disintegrating and difficult to handle; so much so that I started writing to some of the senior teachers for advice.  I want these ideas, they are not merely the drivel of the mind BUT they unhinge my practice.  As I wrote my email to Kamini and Eric—those senior teachers I mentioned—a very interesting thought arose, “What would I tell one of my students if they posed this question to me?”  I did not finish the email.

What would I tell one of my students?  I would tell them the same thing I have told them many times in the past:  Watch the thought come into view and let it go.  If it's worth keeping, it will be waiting for you at the door as you leave.  If not, then it will be gone.  Either way, don't worry about it.  What does that mean in practical terms?  Keep a notebook handy as you practice.  As you finish—not during your practice, not ever during your practice—write down quick notes about what you experienced and what thoughts came to mind.  As you continue doing this, the fear of forgetting those “important” ideas will become less and less as your trust in your ability to capture those thoughts on paper after practice increases.  Does it work?  I have no idea because I have not fully tried the experience yet but I will keep you posted.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

What Did You Expect?

Jai Bhagwan!

“Expectations are merely frustrations waiting to happen,” says Gurudev.  Because things had moved so very quickly last week, I had expected that things would continue to move rapidly.  Not so!  For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, allow me to explain:

Before leaving for Florida, my intent upon returning home was to continue programming by day, teaching by night until I finished my bachelors.  I would teach the occasional private lesson and finish the Level II certification and finally a masters degree in teaching Yoga.  While in Florida, I realized I should be doing more with Yoga and so decided to contact my cousin, who works in the state corrections department, about bringing Amrit Yoga to the prison system.  On the flight home, I had a very singular experience:  I felt a man brush my right shoulder as he went down the aisle toward the front of the plane.  I heard him distinctly say, “There is no time.”  At the same time, my attention was drawn to the video screen of the chair next to me.  It was showing an episode of Intervention dealing with a young man named Gabe.  Tumblers rolled and it clicked, take Amrit Yoga to the rehab centers not as entertainment or as exercise as so many already do but as an intergral part of the treatment program.

When I returned to work last Wednesday, I spent nearly an hour with my supervisor talking about what I wanted to do.  I left his office with these words, “If you follow through with this, you will make a difference in people's lives.”  Next stop was the receptionist's desk.  I told her what I was wanting to do and she calmly said, “You know Carol is on the board of directors for a center, right?”  Thirty minutes later, I had the contact information I needed and was ready to roll!

Fast forward until today, having made contact with the center's director I was told they might be able to meet with me in three weeks.  At first, I felt a let down but then quickly realized A) I was not told “No.” B) I need to be contacting other centers. C) I still need to contact my cousin. D) I now have time to arrange for some of my other needs.

Here is one final note of interest.  The plane was a Boeing 757 and I was in seat 38A, a window seat on the left side of the plane, and the flight was 147 minutes late.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Breathe Into The Ocean

Jai Bhagwan!

I have been taking my own advice to heart and I've been writing down those wandering thoughts I can remember after my morning sadhana.  Interestingly enough, I made that my intention this morning and my mind was right back to useless chatter.  I had also determined that I would hold each posture until I had a silent mind.

Here, then, is what I noticed this morning:  Ujayi breath brings the mind back to bodily focus.  When the mind starts demanding attention and ujayi breath alone isn't enough, open or close the eyes.  Firming down through the buttocks and inner thighs properly can be used to pull the pelvis forward which creates a rock solid foundation for back bends.  That foundation naturally presses the spine upward rather than letting it collapse which results in greater bellagio-osity.  When holding stage II in natarajasana, fix the gaze on the finger tips for greater stability.  Colors tend to fade as my inward focus becomes intense—there's always a flash of “Don't pass out!” when this starts.  Of course, the mind likes to pick up on this, “Hey!  No colors!  Awesome!” at which point all the colors flood back.

The extended holding, however, was really the most powerful aspect of the first half this morning.  Rushing energy (3:45 AM has never felt so ALIVE!), intense relaxation.  If your sadhana is becoming a bit lack-luster, slow the pace way down.  Really FEEL each motion.  Sink into the pose and hold it like there is no tomorrow and then rest, eyes closed.  Feel what the body has to express.

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.

Didn't We Just Meet?

Jai Bhagwan!

On the 8^th I wrote that I had decided to publish the same content here and on my blog at Everyday Yoga.  Recent developments give me cause to stop that practice and continue writing separate entries.  As I mentioned last Saturday, I have been making notes about my daily sadhana, I am now using Everyday Yoga to keep those notes and insights.  This journal will continue to be about my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat—that's really all the same space but that's an entry for another day!

Namasté

This blog/journal contains my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.  My daily sadhana journal is located at Everyday Yoga.